Slimy Little Freak

Filming gamer profiles got me excited about playing the game. I was initially really scared of it. Maybe I was scared because I haven’t played videogames since elementary school, when I carried fat-gray gameboy around in my backpack (I was a huge nerd). I also think I was scared that I might enjoy the game. I was convinced that I hate video games, mostly because they remind me of my incompetence with super smash brothers. So I lied, I played super smash brothers a few times in high school. Those experiences mostly consisted of me falling off the spacecraft while a bunch of dudes dominated. I didn’t start this project loving video games but I was excited about the idea behind the project. I like the idea of participating in something new (“digital anthropology”).

When I played the game for the first time I immediately started feeling sick, but I don’t think it was warhammer-related. I only played for 10 minutes. I played for about two hours the second time. I actually became very invested in my squigs. My character’s a squig herder, which it pretty much just a nasty little dude with a pet squig following him around. The squig resembles the body-less, dino-like monsters I used to draw in class. In the game I, as a squigherder, create squigs and they do my dirty work. I’ve developed a technique for not getting killed right away (I’ve already died three times). I let my squig go after the enemy while I stand back and shoot arrows. I feel a little bad making my squig do the dirty work but I guess all is fair in love and war.

My squig died a few times. I feel really sad every time it happens. They might look like slimy little freaks, but they’re really helpful and obedient. I wish they could interact beyond fighting, like maybe they could give each other high fives once in a while. I really wanted to give my squig a high five…

I went on a mission to collect mushrooms with my squig while I was playing yesterday. We entered a cave with a bunch of wild squigs that started attacking us. Initially I thought my squig might give me immunity to the wild beasts, maybe they would befriend each other or something. Instead the rabid creatures killed me within two minutes. I noticed myself becoming really stressed out during this mission. The thought of entering a death-zone cave made me nervous. I know it’s just a video game, but I was genuinely stressed.

I also found myself swearing a lot while playing. The computer lab is a weird atmosphere for gaming because people are doing work and there’s no sound. I said “fucker” and “bitch” probably twenty times while I was playing. In retrospect I’m sure I pissed off the girl who was doing work in the lab, but swearing is instinctual for me.

I’m a project oriented person. Instead of playing videogames I enjoy activities like playing the banjo, snowboarding, or canoeing. I like to feel a sense of accomplishment when I invest time in something. Video games have never done this for me, so I don’t think I’ll become addicted. However, I’m generally a “sensation seeking person” and I have a fairly addictive personality. I enjoyed the feeling of being lost in the videogame. I wasn’t too aware of what was happening around me or that it was getting dark out while I was playing. I can see myself playing when I’m stressed about something, which is probably not healthy.

I’m interested in whether or not the game producers designed warhammer to evoke emotions like concern (for my squig herder) and fear (in the cave) or if it’s just my personality. I wonder if I’m more affected than others when playing warhammer because I haven’t been jaded by the gaming world. Playing this game is probably a terrible idea. I’ve already been thinking about it too much. I really don’t want to become addicted…

-Anna